I haven’t written since August, no blogpost, no articles, no features. Even writing this feels slightly alien, maybe with every word it’ll become more familiar. I’m not particularly sure why, I wrote so much prior to summer but somewhere in-between juggling a full time masters and a full time internship writing started becoming a chore, rather than a passion or love, and then I began to fear it. It’s been almost four months now and pushing myself to this point has been difficult, but I’m here.
Anyway, I didn’t want this post to be about film, or me writing or not writing, I wanted to create something new, about experiences, expectations, the future and dreams (and kind of just to ramble).
I’m a massive daydreamer. I daydream hard, almost all the time, it’s one of the things that I’m pretty great at. Now that we’re coming towards the end of 2017 and a new year is on the horizon I think everyone is slightly stuck in their heads, reflecting on the year they’ve had – who made you laugh until you cried? Did you discover a new passion? What band did you completely fall in love with? Which crippling fear did you conquer? What goals did you achieve? Who gave you so many butterflies that you couldn’t stop thinking about them for 3 months straight? Who broke your fucking heart? What new friends did you make? What are you grateful for?
What changes are you going to make for 2018?
One of the best things I did this year was booking a trip for myself, to experience an entirely new country on my own, to increase my confidence, acknowledge my mistakes, work on my flaws, to try a bunch of things I’d never thought I’d do, to meet people from all over the world, make friends and to shake off and become at peace with some unpleasant past experiences. On this trip somebody said to me, ‘So what changes are you going to make when you get home? That’s what it’s about.’ And it made me realise that change is a blessing and holding onto the past is shit. Yeah I know, you’ve read it all over Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and your favourite blogger has probably Instagrammed a similar inspo quote a million times over but it’s true – and it just takes a special kind of moment to realise it.
So I’m super excited for the next chapter and the road I hope it leads me down – and that working hard, staying focused and positive will work in my favour. I’ll still continue to write here, but maybe not just about film anymore.
Some things don’t work out the way you wanted them to and other times they work out exactly how you dreamed. The boyfriend you thought you’d see the world with might not be around anymore and your best friends are all venturing down completely different paths – but you’ve got you. And I’m so happy I’ve got me.